Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without. Buddha

As I was indulging in my fifteen minutes of daily meditation this morning, I discovered that I carry my worries and angst in my chest and shoulders. As I sat, I found that my chest ached all the way through to my back, creating tenseness in my shoulders and neck. This subsequently led my mind on a tangent that exaggerated my daily anxieties. Moments later, realizing my distraction, I brought my mind back to focus on my breath. And as I focused on the air entering and leaving my chest, I felt the tightness in my upper body gradually loosen. Breathing in and out, I began to contemplate air and each breath. 

I find it comforting that air is communal. We have been sharing the same air for centuries. And yet I also find solace in the idea that each breath I take is a unique moment in time. A moment that is unique to only me. While we may breathe together and experience these moments together, the air coming into and going out of my body is evidence that I am my own moment in time and I should always have a will and an intention with each breath. I have a choice.

Too often we take something as simple as breath for granted.

Conviction is worthless unless it is converted into conduct. - Thomas Carlyle

Unfortunately, particular, undesirable scenarios led to this entry, however, I find that I am grateful for them because they have served as an opportunity for me to learn about myself. I have found that when another does or says something that is hurtful in one way or another, instead of retaliating, we can instead use it as an opportunity for reflection on the self and the way that we conduct our lives and interactions with others. For example, as opposed to placing the blame on the opposite party in an altercation and deflecting attention from my own flaws or wrongdoings, I can use the said altercation as an opportunity to, instead, recognize my flaws and decide what about myself I want to correct or improve upon.

So, over the past couple of days, I’ve had time to reflect on myself, my thoughts, my actions, and essentially- my intentions. I don’t think that we, as humans, give enough thought and attention to deciphering and recognizing our intentions prior to acting or speaking. Or even thinking.

With all of this said, I am going to make a conscious effort to consistently recognize my intentions before thinking, saying, or doing anything. When I am thinking negatively about someone or something, is my intention to deflect my attention from my own flaws? When I say something to someone, is my intention to build them up or to make them question themselves/break them down? Or to even make myself feel superior? When I am doing something, am I intending to improve circumstances for everyone impacted by my actions? Or are my thoughts, words, and actions only to serve myself and my own ego? Obviously, no one wants to recognize or admit such selfishness. But as I get older and life progresses, I find that it is necessary for growth, for the conservation of my integrity, for the maintenance of peace of mind, and for the greater good of every life that I may potentially touch.

So, I want to challenge anyone and everyone to make a genuine effort to take a step back in each moment and really analyze the intentions behind and within your thoughts, words, and actions. It is there that we find the type of energy, positive or negative, that we are putting out into the world.

Disclaimer: In no way, am I claiming that I have perfected this practice. I am merely a novice accepting the challenge.

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back. - Arthur Rubinstein

What if my lifelong notion of love and the purpose of life being to love has been completely false this whole time? I’ve always been a staunch believer in soul mates and in true love and that we are put on this Earth to love and to be loved. But I’m discovering that I’m pretty sure that I’ve had it all wrong.

After much contemplation, struggle, and renunciation, I think that we were put on this Earth to love and to be loved, but not necessarily in a romantic fashion. In this realization, I find somewhat equal amounts of hope and despair...as well as a fair amount of resistance to the idea. I find hope that people are still inherently good, and that love for life is all around us. I hope that with time, I will find that love for life and for people is all that is needed to live a full and happy life.

However, I also find much anguish in the idea that true, passionate, loyal and faithful romantic love will forever remain a fable to many people. It’s a little surreal and, quite honestly, numbing to think that some people are meant to walk their paths without a life partner. But on the other hand, who says that we weren't meant to walk a path devoted to self-love and love for the world?

So if we devote our whole souls to doing good, being genuine, and spreading real love to all, everything else will fall into place as it is meant to. Surely, this is right.